Before-And-After Edits
Speaking in Tongues by Laith Hintzman
Atlas Magazine Fall 2024 Issue, Emerson College
Before: Once I was a senior in high school, I'd been away from Amman for half a decade. I spent those years considering the consequences of my aversion, and I was ready to do the work to correct them. I was finally proud of who I was. I wouldn't be in Amman again for a while (COVID-19 precautions and a busy school life made that certain), but for the first time I was excited for my next visit, I was preparing for it. I'd been studying an old interview my brother conducted with Teta, a look into her experience as a young mother in 1960s-Jerusalem. I was captivated, and I decided to draft an essay about the impact her story held. I shared it with my mother, who sent it overseas. Little in my life compares to the smile Teta offered when she read the essay I wrote about her. I decided at that moment that, the next time I visited Teta, I would complete my brother's interview and write her a full history.
Teta passed away January 12, 2024.
If there is any lesson I can give to those who share in the aversion I once felt, it is this. The boundaries of your comfort lie very close to the edges of a much more fulfilling life. Get over yourself, get past that aversion, and just live. Do it for your family, and do it for yourself. Tell them you love them, ask them the questions you want to ask. It might mean nothing to you now, but it will mean something to them. And it'll mean something to you very soon. My Arabic is awful. Not good, at all. But that doesn't mean it can't get better.
After: Once I was a senior in high school, I'd been away from Amman for half a decade. I spent those years considering the consequences of my cultural reluctance, and I was ready to do the work to rectify them. I was finally proud of who I was. I wouldn't be in Amman again for a while (COVID-19 precautions and a busy school life made that certain), but for the first time, I was excited for my next visit; I was preparing for it. I had been studying an old interview my brother conducted with Teta, a look into her experience as a young mother in 1960s Jerusalem. I was captivated and decided to draft my own essay about the impact her story had on me. I shared it with my mother, who sent it overseas. Little in my life compares to the smile Teta offered when she read the essay I wrote about her. I decided at that moment that the next time I visited my grandmother, I would complete my brother's interview and write her full story.
Teta passed away on January 12, 2024. I didn’t have the chance to see her again.
If there is any lesson I can share with those who are caught between heritage and humility, it is this: the boundaries of your comfort lie very close to the edges of a much more fulfilling life. Get over yourself, get past that aversion, and live. Do it for your family, and do it for yourself. Tell them you love them; ask them the questions you want to ask. It might mean nothing to you now, but it will mean something to them. And it will mean something to you very soon.
My Arabic is awful. Not good at all. But that doesn't mean it can't get better.
Novel in progress by Rayn Gailey
Edited from April 2023 - December 2024
Before: Olivia gets a phone call as soon as we enter the house and takes it outside. When she comes back, she is all smiles, announcing that she has good news. However, her expression turns sour when she sees that Graham, Quinn, and I are having a culinary ménage à trois in the kitchen. I have warmed up the paella, and, as the guys finish devouring their second helping, I am preparing the Spanish almond cake I made for tonight.
“What are you doing? We already ate,” she complains.
“Not like this. What’s the good news?” Graham asks as he cracks open a crab leg.
“I made the Women Men Would Most Like To Go To Bed With issue of Esquire.”
“That’s great, hon,” Graham tells her, pulling her into his side. She leans in to kiss him and I can feel Quinn get as uncomfortable as I do.
Suddenly, I need some air. I grab aperitif I poured, head out to the patio, and take a seat. Quinn shows up a few seconds after me with his drink.
“Thought I’d give the grown-ups some space. Mind if I sit with you?” I nod and hold out my pack of candy cigarettes to him.
“Don’t mind if I do.” He takes one as he sits down. He pretends to light it, striking an imaginary match on his shoe and holding it up to the candy cigarette in his mouth. He inhales and blows out imaginary smoke.
“Sweet,” he says, his eyes closed. “Literally and figuratively.” I respond.
He turns to me with a wide grin. I am pretty sure that grin has slayed a woman or two. We sit there in silence for a good five minutes, just sucking on candy cigarettes and sipping aperitifs.
“Mind if I hold your hand, Ava?” He says it quietly, as if he had thought about it for a while first and asked even though he was unsure whether he should.
After: As soon as we get home, Olivia gets a phone call and takes it outside. When she comes back, she is all smiles, announcing that she has good news. However, her expression sours when she sees that Graham, Quinn, and I are having a culinary ménage à trois in the kitchen. I have warmed up the paella, and, as the guys finish devouring their second helping, I am preparing the Spanish almond cake I made for tonight.
“What are you doing? We already ate,” she complains.
“Not like this. What’s the good news?” Graham asks as he cracks open a crab leg.
“I made the Women Men Would Most Like To Go To Bed With issue of Esquire.”
“That’s great, hon,” Graham tells her, pulling her into his side. She leans in to kiss him, and I can feel Quinn get as uncomfortable as I do.
Suddenly, I need some air. I grab my dessert and a digestif I poured, head out to the patio, and take a seat. Quinn shows up a few seconds after me with his drink.
“Thought I’d give the grown-ups some space. Mind if I sit with you?” I nod and hold out my fork and plate.
“Don’t mind if I do.” He takes a bite and sits down.
“Sweet,” he says, his eyes closed.
“Literally and figuratively.”
He turns to me with a wide grin. I am pretty sure that grin has slayed a woman or two before. We sit there in silence for a good five minutes, sipping our drinks.
“Mind if I hold your hand, Ava?” He says it quietly, as if he had thought about it for a while before asking.
“Why would you want to do that?”
Annotated Sample
On Coming Back by Sydney Flaherty
Atlas Magazine Fall 2024 Issue, Emerson College
Brief Editor’s Note: Solid ending! Great job, Sydney. I really got sucked into your story and love your writing style. Feel free to disregard some of my edits if you believe they depart from your personal style. Please let me know if you need any help or want to brainstorm the formatting. The format has grown on me, but if you do feel like re-ordering any of the events/paragraphs, that may be a big task to take on on your own. I'd be happy to help!
Published Editorial Work
Atlas Magazine (Globe section and copyediting): Student-run biannual nonfiction magazine, 2023 to present
Emertainment Monthly (Books section): Student-run online entertainment magazine
Girl Folk: Online, collaborative blog, 2016 to present
Ōde: Coffee table book, 2019
Orcas Island High School Viking Voice (Editor-in-chief): High school newspaper, 2020 to 2023
